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I should have known, I should have seen this coming. But there was a sense of belief that always existed. I waited for a miracle to happen. It never did. I feel broken, but I am in a consolation mode right now. I fear the nights because they make me realize how lonely I am. I have people who love me and I love them back too. But the thought of not having you around kills me. It fills a void in my life. I must learn to live with it. Its not a good place to be right now. I just have to learn to live it and probably may be someday I will. Till then its a struggle. I might put up a face, a facade to show others that I am normal when I am actually not. Not many would realize it. I couldn't care less though. I remember the times we were together, the good ones and the bad ones. I remember the bad ones and kick myself for having made you cry. I wont be able to forgive myself for that. But I cannot undo what I did. Its just how it is going to be. How things change amazes me and will continue to do so. The sun sets for a new day to come alive. I guess its the same for everyone or may be not. I am not in a position to realize that. I have always imagined how things would be with you but I guess I will never know. Its not going to happen. Accepting negativity has never been my thing. May be that will change. People say that things happen for a reason and may be they do. But I wont realize till I know the reason. I have always wanted you to be happy and always will. That is something thats not going to change. I will love you forever and will cherish the moments. Stay happy and take care!

Ritvesh wanted to send this email. He was contemplating whether to push the send button or not. He was lost. He could not do it. He knew that if he did send it, it will be the defining moment, the END. He could not. Something stopped him. He decided to save it for later. That was his thing, to procrastinate. He followed his heart instead of his mind. He saved it for later and turned off his computer before his thoughts killed him. He decided it was time for a drink. He opened the fridge to find a mini-bar. He stocked it because he knew that he was going to need all the alcohol.  

Hunter

Ritvesh cleared the customs and started walking out. He was still feeling dizzy, not clearly knowing what he was doing. The after effects of heavy drinking, you see! He then saw three, wait four, no seven, name-boards of his. He thought to himself "Am I dreaming, am I still on the flight. Man, I shouldn't have had so much alcohol." He started rubbing his eyes in a frenetic fashion. Now the view became clearer. It was just one name-board and that too not his name. It was for some Ricky guy. Knowing that he is gonna make a fool out of himself, he started moving forward. This time he heard someone shouting his name. Not wanting to pay heed to his out-of-balance senses, he continued walking. The sounds did not stop, infact they got much louder and his name was prefixed by bugger. This time he knew that his senses were actually right. Atleast the sense of hearing did not fail him. He turned around and saw his buddy "HUNTER".

Hunter, his buddy, one of his very good friends, lived in Australia. Hunter was a casanova. He used to hunt down, well, Girls. During his college days, when most of the guys had to work really had to find at least one girl friend, hunter had more than a dozen girl friends. Of course, the flip side to that was he never stuck to one single girl. One fight and he would end up breaking up. Some times he used to create fights to break up with his girl friend. This was when he felt that the girl was boring and not his type. The girls whom he found interesting dumped which for some reason, which he later discovered was his ex-girl friends. It did not really matter to him much. He was the hunter, he would find a new girl the very next day. Girls loathed him, guys adored him. Whatever the gender, no one was indifferent to him. Oh, by the way, his real name was Ram Lal. Yes, you heard it right, Ram Lal. The name did no justice to him which is why he preferred to be called as hunter.

All the memories came flashing to Ritvesh's mind at once. Before he could react he got a bear hug from Ram Lal, oops, Hunter. Ritvesh freed himself out of the hug and said

"Hey Hunter, how are you man? Long time"

"Dude, here people call me with a different name"

"Woah, dont tell me that they call you Ram Lal"

"Dude, shut the F*** up, no one even knows that name"

"Then what the hell do they call you?"

"Some call me Chris and others call me Christian"

"What, that doesnt make any sense. Did you change your religion?"

"No dude, let me explain. When I first came here I introduced myself to the first person I met as Ram. Well, how could I expect them to pronounce my name correctly. That guy called me RYAAM which did not sound right. I felt as if I was a computer spare part. Then a wonderful thought struck me. Coming from a secular country like India, and having a faith in most religions, I decided to draw parallels between, well, names. If Ram is our god, then Christ is theirs so why not call myself Chris or Christian. Works well right! Also, the second motive is that I somehow feel that I would be able to continue my hunting ways with this name in this country. They say 'be a roman in rome' and I say 'be a chris in australia'."
"Alright brother, whatever you say. Now lets get the hell out of here before I make a mess of myself."

Kangaroos --1

Ritvesh woke up with a start. He could hear a female voice on the mic saying "Please return to your seats and fasten your seat belts. We are about to land in a few minutes". Ritvesh was unable to come back to his senses completely. He was still in an inebriated state from all the drinking in the flight. The only memory of the journey was asking the hostess for Vodka with orange juice making it a screw-driver. He wished he had a real one now to fix his senses. Unfortunately for him he did not have one and even if he had one he couldn't have fixed his dizziness.

He somehow gathered his senses and fastened his seat belt. The flight landed with a jerk, not the best of landings that Ritvesh had experienced before, definitely not pleasant in his present state. For a moment he felt that he is gonna die, the very next moment he felt as if he is gonna throw up. None happened though. After what seemed like ages the flight finally stopped. Somehow everybody wanted to get down at the very same time. Ritvesh decided otherwise because he coudn't have handled any pushing. He decided to wait for the crowd to clear and walk like a king.

"Why are you here?" asked the immigration officer. "I am here for work" snap came the reply. "Work? Your visa is only valid for discussions. You are not allowed to work here." Ritvesh knew that this was a point in time where his sense shouldnt fail him. Common sense prevailed and he said "I am here to meet some clients on a work related deal." Immigration officer looked scornfully and replied "Alright, please go ahead". Ritvesh knew he had one last hurdle to clear before getting out of the freaking airport: Customs. But even before that he had to pick up his luggage.

He was waiting near the conveyor belt. It wasn't moving suggesting that the luggage hasn't arrived yet implying it would take more time. His thoughts suddenly drifted to the time he was in India, just before coming to Sydney. He was sitting beside Raksha in a coffee shop. Ritvesh just cracked a joke and was making fun of Raksha. Raksha was angry but happy at the same time that she found a perfect guy, well close to perfect. She suddenly uttered "Ritu, lets get married." Ritvesh still was laughing from his last joke said "Don't you think I already asked you that question and you agreed?"

"Yes I did, but what I am saying is that I want to get married this year."

Suddenly all the laughter disappeared from Ritvesh's face. "Really? This year?"

"Well, you love me right?"

"I do"

"You wanna marry me right?"

"I do"

"So why wait?"

"Raksha, I am not ready for marriage yet. I am sure I wanna marry you but I don't think I want it to be this year. I want to spend this phase a little longer. I like this phase when I am a bachelor and do not have any responsibilities to take care of. I want to be like this a little longer. When I feel I can take up the responsibilties we can go ahead."

"Wait a minute. So you think I will be a burden for you and you are not ready for that right now? And what do you mean by bachelor life? You are a semi-bachelor because you are committed to me. Do you want to wait for longer so that you can ogle at other girls and I would not be able to say anything?"

"Raksha, why are you twisting each and every statement of mine? Do we really need to talk about this now. Can we not postpone it for later?"

"What do you mean Ritvesh? We can go for coffee, we can go for movies and we can do all the fun stuff. But when I want to discuss something serious, something that is related to our lives you want to postpone it. Get real Ritvesh."

"Oh come on Raksha, why are making such a big deal out of nothing?"

"This might be nothing for you, but its my life and my future Ritvesh. I am upset now. I ll go by an auto, you need not follow me. I need some space and time to think about my priorities."

"Raksha wait!"

"Ritvesh please, leave me aloneee!" she shouted and left.

Ritvesh did not follow and just sat there thinking about what just transpired. He took a few moments to realize that what just happened was not one of those silly fights they normally had. This was bigger. This was more serious. He picked up his phone to call Raksha but then decided against it. He thought that talking to her would only aggravate things. He decided to wait for the next meeting.

The conveyor belt started moving and Ritvesh came back to the real world. He picked up his luggage and headed for the customs check.